Por Que, Glamazon Dot Com?

Why indeed, Glamazon Dot Com.

Glamazon (name altered so that their copyright lawyers don't crush this blog like a bitty baby bug) and I have had a rocky relationship - it's so good to me sometimes, and so cruel at others. And it knows how much I love it, being in a remote city far from the stores that civilized people can just drive to, and it uses that love to hurt me. Why, Glamazon Dot Com?  WHY???

I know I live so far away, having made the unimaginable choice to move from one of the two non-continental U.S. states to the other, and that shipping will be slow and costly, but COME ON. What did I do to deserve this?

And thank you for finally giving us a confirmation of purchases total plus shipping page before confirming payment. I cannot tell you how much I wanted to kick every single one of your employee's puppies/children for doing that in reverse for awhile. "Congratulations! This how much money we decided to take from you!" What a marketing strategy. I'm surprised you weren't on the nine o'clock news as flames consumed your headquarters.

I'm not the only one who has had these experiences; Mike Birbiglia knows what I'm talking about. Listen to this audio file of his adventures with Glamazon and a few other organizations that do not want to be called by name in the public sphere, such as two sports teams referred to here as the Horsies and the Orange Asian Tigers. Too bad my blog is more secret than public, or I too could tell Glamazon what's up.

In case you're inexperienced with this mp3 sampler, here's a picture worth approximately 40-60 words:

Click to enlarge, Grandpa.

Look for that little gray arrow on the far left. Click it and choose #8. And if you didn't know about Mike Birbiglia before now, you're welcome.